Just how true  this is folks          Al

 A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our
 town.
 From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and
 soon invited him to live with our family.  The stranger was quickly  accepted
 and was around from then on.

 As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind,
 he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mum
 taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger…
 he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with
 adventures, mysteries and comedies.

 If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always
 knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed
 able to predict the future!  He took my family to the first NHL hockey
 game.
 He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking,
 but  Dad didn’t seem to mind.

 Sometimes, Mum would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing
 each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen
 for  peace and quiet.
 (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

 Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger
 never felt obligated to honour them.  Profanity, for example, was not
 allowed in our home – not from us, our friends or any visitors.  Our long
 time visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears
 and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.  My Dad didn’t permit the
 liberal use of alcohol but the stranger encouraged us to try it on a
 regular basis.  He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly, and pipes
 distinguished.
 He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex.  His comments were
 sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing..
 I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced
 strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my
 parents, yet he was seldom rebuked… And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our
 family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was
 at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents’ den today, you would
 still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen
 to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.
 His name?….
 We just call him ‘TV.’
 (Note: This should be required reading for every household!)
 He has a wife now….we call her ‘Computer.’

 Their first child is Cell Phone… Second child is I Pod… Third child is Blackberry……….

Why Do I Like Retirement !!! 

Question:  How many days in a week? 
Answer:  6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday 

  Question:  When is a retiree’s bedtime? 
Answer:  Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. 
  
  Question:  How many retirees to change a light bulb? 
Answer:  Only one, but it might take all day. 

Question:  What’s the biggest gripe of retirees? 
Answer:  There is not enough time to get everything done. 
  
  Question:  Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors? 
Answer:  The term comes with a 10% discount. 

  Question:  Among retirees what is considered formal attire? 
Answer:  Tied shoes. 

 Question:  Why do retirees count pennies? 
Answer:  They are the only ones who have the time.  
 

 Question:  What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?  
Answer:  NUTS! 
  
 Question:  Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? 
Answer:  They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

 Question:  What do retirees call a long lunch? 
Answer:    Normal  . 
  
  
Question:  What is the best way to describe retirement? 
Answer:  The never ending Coffee Break. 
  
  
Question:  What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? 
Answer:  If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. 

 Question:  Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? 
Answer:  He is too polite to tell the whole truth. 

  
And, my very favorite….QUESTION:  What do you do all week? 
Answer:  Monday through Friday, NOTHING….. Saturday & Sunday, I rest. 

SERENITY

This could be a bit scary, but I guess we need to know. . . ..

Your Yearly Dementia Test:

It ‘ s that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it ‘ s important to keep mentally alert. If you don ‘ t use it, you lose it!
Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.  Take the test presented here to determine if you ‘ re losing it or not.
The spaces below are so you don ‘ t see the answers until you ‘ ve made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin…

1. What do you put in a toaster

 

Answer: ‘ bread. ‘ If you said ‘ toast ‘ give up now and do something else..
Try not to hurt yourself!

If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

2.Say ‘ silk ‘ five times. Now spell ‘ silk. ‘ What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said ‘ milk, ‘ don ‘ t attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World.
However, if you said ‘ water ‘ , proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

 

 

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.  If you said ‘ green bricks, ‘ why are you still reading these???

If you said ‘ glass, ‘ go on to Question 4.

4.Without using a calculator –

 You are driving a busfrom London to
Milford-Haven in Wales .

In London , 17 people get on the bus.
In Reading , 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In    Swindon , 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea , 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
In Carmarthen , 6 people get off and 3 get on.

You then finally arrive at Milford-Haven….
Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?

 

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don ‘ t you remember your own age?
It was YOU driving the bus!!
If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you…!!  

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

First of al I must profoundly apologise for my absence but I have been let down by my health, I suppose it is tro be expected at 85. But I have just been introduced to an awesome website that sets your juices flowing. It opens the floodgates even at my age, It heats the blood and sets your pulses racing. It is http://onlineincomeflood.com just look at it and listen to this man. It won`t cost you anything but time.
passive stre
I

Talk to you later.

O.K. So what should I eat? If you believe everything you read in the newspaper, then it is surely best to be on the safe side and not eat anything at all. However if you wait a while tO.K. So what should I eat? If you believe everything you read in the newspaper, then it is surely best to be on the safe side and not eat anything at all. However if you wait a while they will contradict themselves, leaving you in a quandary. I told you earlier about the person who suggested you eat three unripe bananas before going to bed; this would ensure a sound nights sleep. In the morning for breakfast eat two unripe bananas. Keep this up for ten days. Quite truthfully the idea revolted me and my stomach. Could there be anything in this? Like most people I have a sweet tooth which I try hard to keep in control. Inevitably after a good breakfast, be it porridge or cereals or maybe poached eggs, my stomach calls to me requesting something sweet before it can go to work digesting the afore said, this is blackmail surely. Being the soft hearted person that I am I quickly do some toast. Of course who can eat toast without marmalade? I feel better; my stomach goes to work without further ado. Everyone is happy Now I do admit that I feel so much better and I can now settle down to my days work. My conscience tells me that there is no problem; after all it was only a smear of marmalade. Then why is there a voice in the background grumbling away, has my conscience been got at? You have negativity problem, don`t worry we all have them. Just let it go, don`t fight it, this will only make it worse. We will talk about this later. The next thing I read in the newspaper is all about tomatoes. They are very good for you. So I start to eat tomatoes. Mostly I slice them and lightly fry them to go with my bacon eggs and mushrooms. I am not entirely happy about this (fried stuff you see) but I love them. Nowadays I don`t fry the bacon and eggs. These are done in the microwave where I use a browning plate. They cook perfectly in two and a half minutes. If you use this method I bet you notice they do not taste the same as fried, but then you can`t have everything. If you use a browning plate with your microwave, please remember to puncture the egg or after a little while there will be loud bang and your microwave will be spattered with egg. Or use your lower heat. Mushrooms are another of my favorite foods, but then again, how to cook them fried or boiled? I have never tried wild mushrooms although I have been tempted, they do look so inviting. I am a great lover of fish, haddock, cod, herrings, trout; I have tried and loved them all. However I have always sheered away from oysters yet I have wanted to try them so much but not yet plucked up the courage. What or how do you eat them, I have stood and watched people eating dozens of them. Do they just swallow them or chew before swallowing? Seems such a waste to just swallow them. When I was young and went fishing for trout. Caught and eaten within the hour. Our favorite way was to after cleaning them roll them in oatmeal and gently fry them, delicious, I can still taste them. Does it ever bother you to watch the chef`s on TV especially cooking beef and leaving it red or even pink in the center, it does me. It really puts me off. That can`t be right, I mean it must be practically raw. Ah well whatever you do, happy eating. hey will contradict themselves, leaving you in a quandary. I told you earlier abouO.K. SO.K. So what should I eat? If you believe everything you read in the newspaper, then it is surely best to be on the safe side and not eat anything at all. However if you wait a while they will contradict themselves, leaving you in a quandary. I told you earlier about the person who suggested you eat three unripe bananas before going to bed; this would ensure a sound nights sleep. In the morning for breakfast eat two unripe bananas. Keep this up for ten days. Quite truthfully the idea revolted me and my stomach. Could there be anything in this? Like most people I have a sweet tooth which I try hard to keep in control. Inevitably after a good breakfast, be it porridge or cereals or maybe poached eggs, my stomach calls to me requesting something sweet before it can go to work digesting the afore said, this is blackmail surely. Being the soft hearted person that I am I quickly do some toast. Of course who can eat toast without marmalade? I feel better; my stomach goes to work without further ado. Everyone is happy Now I do admit that I feel so much better and I can now settle down to my days work. My conscience tells me that there is no problem; after all it was only a smear of marmalade. Then why is there a voice in the background grumbling away, has my conscience been got at? You have negativity problem, don`t worry we all have them. Just let it go, don`t fight it, this will only make it worse. We will talk about this later. The next thing I read in the newspaper is all about tomatoes. They are very good for you. So I start to eat tomatoes. Mostly I slice them and lightly fry them to go with my bacon eggs and mushrooms. I am not entirely happy about this (fried stuff you see) but I love them. Nowadays I don`t fry the bacon and eggs. These are done in the microwave where I use a browning plate. They cook perfectly in two and a half minutes. If you use this method I bet you notice they do not taste the same as fried, but then you can`t have everything. If you use a browning plate with your microwave, please remember to puncture the egg or after a little while there will be loud bang and your microwave will be spattered with egg. Or use your lower heat. Mushrooms are another of my favorite foods, but then again, how to cook them fried or boiled? I have never tried wild mushrooms although I have been tempted, they do look so inviting. I am a great lover of fish, haddock, cod, herrings, trout; I have tried and loved them all. However I have always sheered away from oysters yet I have wanted to try them so much but not yet plucked up the courage. What or how do you eat them, I have stood and watched people eating dozens of them. Do they just swallow them or chew before swallowing? Seems such a waste to just swallow them. When I was young and went fishing for trout. Caught and eaten within the hour. Our favorite way was to after cleaning them roll them in oatmeal and gently fry them, delicious, I can still taste them. Does it ever bother you to watch the chef`s on TV especially cooking beef and leaving it red or even pink in the center, it does me. It really puts me off. That can`t be right, I mean it must be practically raw. Ah well whatever you do, happy eating. o what should I eat? If you believe everything you read in the newspaper, then it is surely best to be on the safe side and not eat anything at all. However if you wait a while they will contradict themselves, leaving you in a quandary. I told you earlier about the person who suggested you eat three unripe bananas before going to bed; this would ensure a sound nights sleep. In the morning for breakfast eat two unripe bananas. Keep this up for ten days. Quite truthfully the idea revolted me and my stomach. Could there be anything in this? Like most people I have a sweet tooth which I try hard to keep in control. Inevitably after a good breakfast, be it porridge or cereals or maybe poached eggs, my stomach calls to me requesting something sweet before it can go to work digesting the afore said, this is blackmail surely. Being the soft hearted person that I am I quickly do some toast. Of course who can eat toast without marmalade? I feel better; my stomach goes to work without further ado. Everyone is happy Now I do admit that I feel so much better and I can now settle down to my days work. My conscience tells me that there is no problem; after all it was only a smear of marmalade. Then why is there a voice in the background grumbling away, has my conscience been got at? You have negativity problem, don`t worry we all have them. Just let it go, don`t fight it, this will only make it worse. We will talk about this later. The next thing I read in the newspaper is all about tomatoes. They are very good for you. So I start to eat tomatoes. Mostly I slice them and lightly fry them to go with my bacon eggs and mushrooms. I am not entirely happy about this (fried stuff you see) but I love them. Nowadays I don`t fry the bacon and eggs. These are done in the microwave where I use a browning plate. They cook perfectly in two and a half minutes. If you use this method I bet you notice they do not taste the same as fried, but then you can`t have everything. If you use a browning plate with your microwave, please remember to puncture the egg or after a little while there will be loud bang and your microwave will be spattered with egg. Or use your lower heat. Mushrooms are another of my favorite foods, but then again, how to cook them fried or boiled? I have never tried wild mushrooms although I have been tempted, they do look so inviting. I am a great lover of fish, haddock, cod, herrings, trout; I have tried and loved them all. However I have always sheered away from oysters yet I have wanted to try them so much but not yet plucked up the courage. What or how do you eat them, I have stood and watched people eating dozens of them. Do they just swallow them or chew before swallowing? Seems such a waste to just swallow them. When I was young and went fishing for trout. Caught and eaten within the hour. Our favorite way was to after cleaning them roll them in oatmeal and gently fry them, delicious, I can still taste them. Does it ever bother you to watch the chef`s on TV especially cooking beef and leaving it red or even pink in the center, it does me. It really puts me off. That can`t be right, I mean it must be practically raw. Ah well whatever you do, happy eating. t the person who suggested you eat three unripe bananas before going to bed; this would ensure a sound nights sleep. In the morning for breakfast eat two unripe bananas. Keep this up for ten days. Quite truthfully the idea revolted me and my stomach. Could there be anything in this? Like most people I have a sweet tooth which I try hard to keep in control. Inevitably after a good breakfast, be it porridge or cereals or maybe poached eggs, my stomach calls to me requesting something sweet before it can go to work digesting the afore said, this is blackmail surely. Being the soft hearted person that I am I quickly do some toast. Of course who can eat toast without marmalade? I feel better; my stomach goes to work without further ado. Everyone is happy Now I do admit that I feel so much better and I can now settle down to my days work. My conscience tells me that there is no problem; after all it was only a smear of marmalade. Then why is there a voice in the background grumbling away, has my conscience been got at? You have negativity problem, don`t worry we all have them. Just let it go, don`t fight it, this will only make it worse. We will talk about this later. The next thing I read in the newspaper is all about tomatoes. They are very good for you. So I start to eat tomatoes. Mostly I slice them and lightly fry them to go witO.K. So what should I eat? If you believe everything you read in the newspaper, then it is surely best to be on the safe side and not eat anything at all. However if you wait a while they will contradict themselves, leaving you in a quandary. I told you earlier about the person who suggested you eat three unripe bananas before going to bed; this would ensure a sound nights sleep. In the morning for breakfast eat two unripe bananas. Keep this up for ten days. Quite truthfully the idea revolted me and my stomach. Could there be anything in this? Like most people I have a sweet tooth which I try hard to keep in control. Inevitably after a good breakfast, be it porridge or cereals or maybe poached eggs, my stomach calls to me requesting something sweet before it can go to work digesting the afore said, this is blackmail surely. Being the soft hearted person that I am I quickly do some toast. Of course who can eat toast without marmalade? I feel better; my stomach goes to work without further ado. Everyone is happy Now I do admit that I feel so much better and I can now settle down to my days work. My conscience tells me that there is no problem; after all it was only a smear of marmalade. Then why is there a voice in the background grumbling away, has my conscience been got at? You have negativity problem, don`t worry we all have them. Just let it go, don`t fight it, this will only make it worse. We will talk about this later. The next thing I read in the newspaper is all about tomatoes. They are very good for you. So I start to eat tomatoes. Mostly I slice them and lightly fry them to go with my bacon eggs and mushrooms. I am not entirely happy about this (fried stuff you see) but I love them. Nowadays I don`t fry the bacon and eggs. These are done in the microwave where I use a browning plate. They cook perfectly in two and a half minutes. If you use this method I bet you notice they do not taste the same as fried, but then you can`t have everything. If you use a browning plate with your microwave, please remember to puncture the egg or after a little while there will be loud bang and your microwave will be spattered with egg. Or use your lower heat. Mushrooms are another of my favorite foods, but then again, how to cook them fried or boiled? I have never tried wild mushrooms although I have been tempted, they do look so inviting. I am a great lover of fish, haddock, cod, herrings, trout; I have tried and loved them all. However I have always sheered away from oysters yet I have wanted to try them so much but not yet plucked up the courage. What or how do you eat them, I have stood and watched people eating dozens of them. Do they just swallow them or chew before swallowing? Seems such a waste to just swallow them. When I was young and went fishing for trout. Caught and eaten within the hour. Our favorite way was to after cleaning them roll them in oatmeal and gently fry them, delicious, I can still taste them. Does it ever bother you to watch the chef`s on TV especially cooking beef and leaving it red or even pink in the center, it does me. It really puts me off. That can`t be right, I mean it must be practically raw. Ah well whatever you do, happy eating. h my bacon eggs and mushrooms. I am not entirely happy about this (fried stuff you see) but I love them. Nowadays I don`t fry the bacon and eggs. These are done in the microwave where I use a browning plate. They cook perfectly in two and a half minutes. If you use this method I bet you notice they do not taste the same as fried, but then you can`t have everything. If you use a browning plate with your microwave, please remember to puncture the egg or after a little while there will be loud bang and your microwave will be spattered with egg. Or use your lower heat. Mushrooms are another of my favorite foods, but then again, how to cook them fried or boiled? I have never tried wild mushrooms although I have been tempted, they do look so inviting. I am a great lover of fish, haddock, cod, herrings, trout; I have tried and loved them all. However I have always sheered away from oysters yet I have wanted to try them so much but not yet plucked up the courage. What or how do you eat them, I have stood and watched people eating dozens of them. Do they just swallow them or chew before swallowing? Seems such a waste to just swallow them. When I was young and went fishing for trout. Caught and eaten within the hour. Our favorite way was to after cleaning them roll them in oatmeal and gently fry them, delicious, I can still taste them. Does it ever bother you to watch the chef`s on TV especially cooking beef and leaving it red or even pink in the center, it does me. It really puts me off. That can`t be right, I mean it must be practically raw. Ah well whatever you do, happy eating.

                                                                         DESIRE Outwits mother nature

I wish to introduce one of the most unusual persons I have ever known. I first saw him twenty-four years ago, a few minutes after he was born. He came into the world without any physical sign of ears, and the doctor admitted, when pressed for an opinion, that the child might be deaf, and mute for life. I challenged the doctor’s opinion. I had the right to do so, I was the child’s father. I, too, reached a decision, and rendered an opinion, but I expressed the opinion silently, in the secrecy of my own heart. I decided that my son would hear and speak. Nature could send me a child without ears, but Nature could not induce me to accept the reality of the affliction. In my own mind I knew that my son would hear and speak. How? I was sure there must be a way, and I knew I would find it. I thought of the words of the immortal Emerson, “The whole course of things goes to teach us faith. We need only obey. There is guidance for each of us, and by lowly listening, we shall hear the right word.” The right word

DESIRE! More than anything else, I DESIRED that my son should not be a deaf mute. From that desire I never receded, not for a second. Many years previously, I had written, “Our only limitations are those we set up in our own minds.” For the first time, I wondered if that statement were true. Lying on the bed in front of me was a newly born child, without the natural equipment of hearing. Even though he might hear and speak, he was obviously disfigured for life. Surely, this was a limitation which that child had not set up in his own mind. What could I do about it? Somehow I would find a way to transplant into that child’s mind my own BURNING DESIRE for ways and means of conveying sound to his brain without the aid of ears. As soon as the child was old enough to cooperate, I would fill his mind so completely with a BURNING DESIRE to hear, that

 Nature would, by methods of her own, translate it into physical reality. All this thinking took place in my own mind, but I spoke of it to no one. Every day I renewed the pledge I had made to myself, not to accept a deaf mute for a son. As he grew older, and began to take notice of things around him, we observed that he had a slight degree of hearing.

When he reached the age when children usually begin talking, he made no attempt to speak, but we could tell by his actions that he could hear certain sounds slightly. That was all I wanted to know! I was convinced that if he could hear, even slightly, he might develop still greater hearing capacity. Then something happened which gave me hope. It came from an entirely unexpected source. We bought a victrola. When the child heard the music for the first time, he went into ecstasies, and promptly appropriated the machine.

He soon showed a preference for certain records, among them, “It’s a Long Way to Tipperary.” On one occasion, he played that piece over and over, for almost two hours, standing in front of the victrola, with his teeth clamped on the edge of the case. The significance of this self-formed habit of his did not become clear to us until years afterward, for we had never heard of the principle of “bone conduction” of sound at that time. Shortly after he appropriated the victrola, I discovered that he could hear me quite clearly when I spoke with my lips touching his mastoid bone, or at the base of the brain.

FAT

The practice of fat reduction is the most difficult thing in the world.  Its difficulties are comprehended in two words: You cannot.  The flesh is willing, but the spirit is weak.  The success of the undertaking lies in the triumph of the will over the appetite.  There’s a lovely line of cant for you!  Triumph of the will over the appetite.  It sounds like the preaching of a professional food faddist, who tells the people they eat too much and then slips away and wolfs down four pounds of beefsteak at a sitting. 

In writing about this successful experiment of mine in reducing weight I have no theories to advance except one, and no instructions to give.  I don’t know whether my method would take an ounce off any other person in the world, and I don’t care.  I only know it took more than fifty pounds off me.  I am not advancing any argument, medicinal or otherwise, for my plan.  I never talked to a doctor about it, and never shall.  If there are fat men and fat women who are fat for the same reasons I was fat, I suppose they can get thin the way I got thin.  If they are fat for other reasons I suppose they cannot.  I don’t know about either proposition.

I have great respect for doctors—so much respect, in fact, that I keep diligently away from them.  I know the preliminaries of their game and can take a dose of medicine myself as skillfully as they can administer it.  Also, I know when I have a fever, and have a working knowledge of how my heart should beat and my other bodily functions be performed.  I have frequently found that a prescription, unintelligibly written but looking very wise, is highly efficacious when folded carefully and put in the pocketbook instead of being deposited with a chemist.  I suppose that comes from a sort of hereditary faith in amulets.  No doubt the method would be even more efficient if the prescription were tied on a string and hung around the neck.  I shall try that some time when my wife drags in a doctor on me.

Still, doctors are interesting as a class.  After you get beyond the let-me-feel-your-pulse-and-see-your-tongue preliminaries they are versatile and ingenious.  Almost always, after you tell them what is the matter with you, they will know—not every time, but frequently.  Also, they will take any sort of a chance with you in the interest of science.  However, they generally send out for a specialist when they are ill themselves.  When you come to think of it that is but natural.  Almost any man, whether professional or not, will take a chance with somebody else that he wouldn’t quite go through with on himself.  Besides, doctors treat comparative strangers for the most part, and the interests of science are to be conserved.

Almost any doctor can tell you how to get thin.  To be sure, no doctor will tell you to do the same things any other doctor prescribes, but it all simmers down to the same thing: Cut out the starchy foods and sweets, and take exercise.  Also: Don’t drink alcohol.  The variations that can be played on this simple theme by a skillful doctor are endless.  When a real specialist in fat reduction gets hold of you—a real, earnest reducer—he can contrive a diet that would make a living skeleton thin—and likewise put him in his little grave.  I have had diets handed to me that would starve a humming-bird, and diets that would put flesh on a bronze statue; and all to the same end—reduction.  Science has been monkeying with nourishment for the past ten or fifteen years to the exclusion of many other branches of research; and about all that has happened to the nourishment is the large elimination of nutriment from it.

I have just been reading a couple of choice schemes this afternoon, you won`t believe. Just before you go to bed eat three under ripe bananas, and be sure of a good nights dreamless sleep. For breakfast two of the same, but if you are diabetic like myself, just check your blood sugar levels. Keep this up for 10 days, if you can. Whatever next.

 

 

Hello World! This is my new WordPress blog. It is not my first attempt at blogging, which was dismal. It is however my first post to my proper blog. Greetings to one and all. If you please I would like to cover miscellanious subjects. I am called Al by the way.

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